Muse: to reflect, contemplate, to
meditate in silence on some subject.
“Grief is the expression of healing in motion.”
~Turner
The word emotion (e-motion) means energy that wants to move.
Grief is a very powerful physical experience and we must allow ourselves to feel the ache in our chest, the hollowness in our belly, the rawness in our throats, the throbbing behind our eyes, the heaviness of our legs, the overall exhaustion, and any other physical sensations we may have. When we allow ourselves to feel the physicalness of our pain we learn how it is that our bodies are trying to express our grief.
Many times in our culture we think that if we have talked about our feelings that we have felt them. But the truth is that feelings are in our bodies not in our heads. Each emotion has different energies and physical sensations that let us know how and what we are feeling. When we feel our feelings it allows the energy of the feeling to begin to move and over time begin to ease. This is what healing feels like.
It is in learning to trust the intensity of our feelings and allowing their wisdom to move through us that we are transformed in our grief journeys.
– Daria
Please feel free to share this “museletter” with others that you think may benefit from it.
Who’s Afraid of the Dark?
I think all of us have been afraid of the dark at one time or another. Do you ever wonder what is it that makes darkness so scary? Maybe it is because we feel more alone, more vulnerable, in the dark as we are petrified of every little thing that goes bump in the night. When darkness falls and our surroundings become hidden we tend to lose our bearings and become disoriented.
There is also a darkness that comes with grief. This darkness disorients us as well as we struggle to find stable ground while we are terrified of every little thing that goes bump in the heart. But unlike our fear of the dark night the darkness that comes with grief does not go away when we turn on a light or when the sun comes up.
Darkness makes us slow down as our vision is obscured so we have to learn to feel our way in the murkiness. Many times we feel that darkness is untrustworthy or dangerous and judge those who admit their fear of it as weak.
I often wonder if our fear of the physical darkness is associated with our fear of emotional darkness.
Is it the darkness we fear or the mystery that it holds? Are we more afraid of the darkness outside of ourselves or the darkness inside of us?
With the arrival of the electric light we have control over darkness and it seems the more artificial light we have the more uncomfortable we become with any kind of darkness. “From candle to oil lamp, oil lamp to gaslight, gaslight to electric light—our quest for a brighter light never ceases, we spare no pains to eradicate even the minutest shadow” (Tanizaki 1933).
To continually have the night sky illuminated takes us out of our natural environment and disturbs our natural rhythms. We are supposed to have daylight followed by the darkness. The night is a time for rest and renewal.
When we are grieving and our darkness makes others uncomfortable we get the message that there is something wrong with how we are feeling and we should “lighten” up. To be told to look on the bright side or to move on with our lives takes us out of our natural healing environment. Grieving is a time for rest and transformation and there is no external light that can illuminate our inner darkness.
We must learn to trust the darkness that comes into our lives instead of being so ready to illuminate what can only be seen in the dark.
“We find beauty not in the thing itself but in the patterns of shadows, the light and the darkness, that one thing against another creates…Were it not for shadows, there would be no beauty” (Tanizaki 1933).
When we are grieving and our darkness makes others uncomfortable we get the message that there is something wrong with how we are feeling and we should “lighten” up. To be told to look on the bright side or to move on with our lives takes us out of our natural healing environment. Grieving is a time for rest and transformation and there is no external light that can illuminate our inner darkness.
We must learn to trust the darkness that comes into our lives instead of being so ready to illuminate what can only be seen in the dark.
“We find beauty not in the thing itself but in the patterns of shadows, the light and the darkness, that one thing against another creates…Were it not for shadows, there would be no beauty” (Tanizaki 1933).
The Written Word
There are many ways to express our grief and putting our thoughts, feelings, and ideas on paper can be a very healing process. The suggested prompts here can be done one time or multiple times. I’ve learned it helps to set a timer for 10-15 minutes and keep your pen moving for the entire time. I encourage using pen and paper rather than a keyboard as there is a hand/heart connection when writing longhand. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, or grammar, just write. When the timer goes off you stop writing even if you are in mid-sentence. Don’t reread your work at this time. Just set it aside for a couple of weeks and then go back and see what your words may have to say to you.
(If you choose to use a keyboard the same instructions apply).
Try this writing prompt:
Darkness is scary to me because…
Resources
I will list some books, articles, poems, movies, or other resources that I as well as others have found helpful on this grief journey. I hope these resources may deepen your understanding of grief, maybe bring you some sense of comfort, and help you to feel less alone in your grief.
Books:
The Way of Transition by William Bridges
Awakening From Grief by John Welshons
