We live in a consumer-based culture. It seems we are always trying to acquire more…more status, more success, more adventures, more relationships, more things. As if acquiring more defines who we are. As if this “more” can keep us from feeling less, keep us from feeling loss. Learning to lose things teaches us about the gifts of impermanence. It teaches us that nothing lasts forever and that tomorrow isn’t promised. So we learn to live more in the present, to appreciate the small things, to cherish each and every moment, to take nothing for granted. Learning to lose things rather than always acquiring things stretches our hearts open so we can take in all that this life has to offer. May we remember that we are not alone on this journey as we learn to let our hearts stretch open so we can hold more.

There are a lot of things that have a beginning, middle, and end. Grief is not one of those things although we would like it to be. We would like for it to be another one of the tasks that we can check off of our to-do lists. We can finish reading a book, finish doing the laundry, finish eating a meal, finish a project at work. We can even start and finish a race. When we complete something there is a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of now we can move on to the next thing. We can “do” a lot of things but grief is more about “being” with our feelings and not trying to change them, fix them, or distract ourselves from them. In grief, there is no sense of accomplishment or moving on to the next thing because our loss, our grief, is the “thing.” This is where we learn that we don’t heal feelings but that feelings heal us…when we let them. Sometimes it can feel like our culture views grief as having a finish line because of some of the mixed messages that we receive. We may hear things like: “Aren’t you over that yet?”; “You need to move on.”; or “You need to put that behind you.” It can feel like there is something we can do to “get over” our grief or that there is somewhere to go where our grief is not. In grief, we learn that we don’t get to take our place at the starting line and move into position as we wait for the words, “on your mark, get set, go.” Many times we find ourselves signed up for this event without warning and without our consent. We don’t have time to prepare and no plans for where we might be going or how long this “race” may last. This grief journey is anything but a well-mapped-out course. There are no defined lines that keep us in our own lane and show us which way to go. There are no crowds looking on and marking our progress. There will be no racing over a finish line with our arms triumphantly raised above our heads as we hear the roar of the crowd and we won’t even receive a medal for participating. Instead, as the dust begins to settle and some of the shock begins to wear off we may look around and wonder how we got here. Rather than seeing a distinct beginning or a clear destination, we will feel lost and disoriented. In place of the words, “on your mark, get set, go,” we may hear a deafening silence. A silence that lets us know we are going to be here for a while as this process will continually challenge us as it transforms us for the rest of our lives. This process shows us that there is no finish line to grief but grief will give us opportunities. Opportunities to feel all of our emotions rather than just those that we deem acceptable. Opportunities to find meaning even in the most difficult of circumstances. Opportunities to learn about our own strength and our vulnerability. Opportunities to learn to wait for the light even in the darkest of times or what is more commonly known as hope. Opportunities to learn trust the process since we don’t always need to know where we are going as there is no “grief map.” Opportunities to love more deeply and in learning to love more deeply we come to truly understand that there is no finish line to grief. There is no end because love never ends.